JeremyOswald.com

What the hell is wrong with One Tree Hill this season? Maybe since I was a total nerd, I missed all the drama of high school. Or maybe the drama only happened on sports teams. I ran cross country one year, but don’t remember drama. I just remember a lot of puking in last place.

Peyton Sawyer dealt with meeting her biological mother last season, only to lose her to cancer, but not before she worked with Fall Out Boy and other artists to record and distribute a compilation CD to help fund cancer research. Also last season, Peyton was shot in the leg in a high school shooting. This season, she’s had a stalker attempt to kill her, discovered she has a black Marine brother, and repainted her room to illustrate her teen angst 7 times. Peyton is whiny, depressing and stupid.

A senior in high school, Nathan Scott has knocked up his teenage wife, encountered his dead uncle’s ghost while rescuing his cousin from his wrecked limo on his second wedding day and has crashed a stock car and a motorcycle. Dabbling in point shaving, Nathan is now faced with the decision to fix high school basketball games to appease Rick Fox, or pay him the money he borrowed to make sure his pregnant wife could live in an apartment with electricity. Fox, who rides around in a late 90’s Cadillac, apparently demonstrates wealth, power and sin in Tree Hill North Carolina.

As Nathan’s wife, Hayley James Scott has already been a worldwide singing sensation, composing “When Stars Go Blue,” and touring the United States with teen heart throb, Chris Keller. Sure her marriage suffered a bit, but ultimately, she realized at age 17, that marriage was more important than being a rock star. She’s allegedly the smartest girl at Tree Hill High School.

Lucas Scott is suffering from a heart condition and trying to help Peyton through her school shootings and stalkers. He was involved in a car accident that caused him to lose something, I’m thinking a spleen. He is in love with Brooke, but accidentally keeps kissing Peyton.

Lucas’ ex-girlfriend, Brooke Davis, is an 18 year old fashion designer getting world-wide recognition and sleeping with her English teacher. She is living with various friends as her parents moved to California her sophomore year. She is dealing with not being rich.

Rachel, the class bitch, just made the cover of Maxim magazine, has been serving as One Tree Hill jailbait and screws up any life she can. Since moving to Tree Hill, she has been responsible for driving apart couples, driving a fat kid to suicide and driving a limousine off a bridge. She was a fatty and suffers from zero self esteem.

Nathan and Lucas’ father, Dan Scott keeps seeing his brother’s vengeful ghost, after murdering him during the high school shooting last year. The murdered brother, Keith, prior to dying, knocked up Dan’s ex, with whom Dan already has a child.

Deb Scott is addicted to sedatives this season, and who could blame her after her failed attempt at murdering her ex-husband and being disowned by her son Nathan. Deb owns a bar, Trick, which is seemingly very profitable, despite the fact that it’s a high school bar that only serves soda, far as I can tell. This season she accientally shot a gun in a crowded coffee shop, missing all the patrons and suffering zero consequences. But at least we the audience understood that the anxiety pills are getting to be dangerous for Deb.

We really need some new writers here. One Tree Hill is now competing with Beverly Hills 90210 Season 10 and The O.C. Season 2 for the cheesiest teen drama around.

Jessie Spano getting hooked on caffeine pills is more believable than the goings on in this North Carolina town.