JeremyOswald.com

Donald didn’t fire Tara Conner after all. At first I was surprised, because from everything I had read so far, Trump was set to replace Tara today with Miss California, Tamiko Nash. But today, Trump announces that Tara just got caught up in the NYC whirlwind. Something about a small-town Kentucky girl who got more than she bargained for when she hit the Big Apple.

But think about the situation. Tara is really superhot. Trump’s history of wives shows us that he likes superhot women. He and Tara had a little meeting yesterday evening. I’m not saying that I think anything happened, just that Trump has a soft spot for hot chicks. Plus, the publicity he’s gotten out of this thing for Miss USA is bigger than anything else he could’ve done for the struggling competition. When I think of Miss USA, I think of irritating answers about world peace with montages of the candidates volunteering their time in whatever city they’re in for the pageant. I don’t know if it always takes place in Atlantic City or if they switch up the location. I don’t even think that the truly hot women are the ones competing in pageants anymore, for the most part.

With a superhot winner like Tara Conner that to this point, has largely gone unnoticed, rumors swirling about Miss USA and Miss Teen USA making out and spending the night together do make people give the whole Miss USA competition at least a second thought. And the talk of Tara’s sexual bathroom antics at clubs, the amount of men she’s brought back to her Trump Place apartment including Ryan Seacrest and Damien Fahey, sex for drugs, underage alcoholism and getting thrown out of her apartment, all of this culminates into such a great storyline that not even James Patterson himself could’ve written.