Corporate Vince had a birthday last week and we celebrated by having dinner at the Japanese Kitchen, drinks next door at the Hook and Ladder, and foosball and Comcast On-Demand karaoke at my brother Josh’s house. As if a salad, fried rice, couple of meats, lots of veggies and a mountain of sprouts wasn’t filling enough, on the way to Josh’s house, Dewall wisely directed his cab driver to the Taco Bell at First and Nees in Fresno, and being the great friend that he is, ordered in excess of $60 worth of Taco Bell. He laid the spread on my brother’s dining room table and we had a feast.
I’ve never ordered a Caramel Apple Empanada, but Dewall ordered several of a lot of menu items to ensure that each person was satisfied. As I devoured a steak Chalupa, I noticed something curious about the Caramel Apple Empanada wrapper. Check it:
It appears that the Caramel Apple Empanada wrapper has been repurposed to package another Taco Bell menu item. Only this is a menu item that I’ve only hoped would one day appear: Taco Bell Taquitos!
Why have I not seen these before? I thought Fresno was a test market for many products, especially fast food products. So I did some digging. A quick search found many results for Taco Bell Taquitos. This one claims that the restaurant will start offering them on the 30th. That’s today!
Upon reading more of the links, it appears that the Grilled Taquitos have been tested, and at least one review is not positive. The author states that it’s hard to go wrong at Taco Bell, but recommends that people stay away from the Taquitos. The author also states that the Taquitos are grilled, not fried as I’ve always thought of Taquitos. Sure enough, my wrapper says “Grilled Taquitos.”
I’m still excited. I’m a huge Taquito connoisseur. My brand of choice is Fernando’s Taquitos. The only place I know of to purchase a box of Fernando’s is Smart & Final. An 84 count will run you about 16 bucks, and are worth every penny.
These suckers are manufactured straight outta Compton and despite the fact that their primary ingredient is listed as “beef and textured vegetable protein product” they still make my mouth water just thinking about them. They also conjure up some great memories of being in elementary or junior high and coming home to eat Taquitos after school while watching Tiny Tunes and Ducktales.
Just a bit more research reveals that Taco Bell will nationally launch the new taquitos with an ad airing during the Superbowl featuring talking lions. Finally, I went straight to the horse’s mouth, the horse in this case being Taco Bell, the mouth, their Website. From the latest press release:
“For Taco Bell lovers, the new Carne Asada Steak Grilled Taquitos deliver premium taste on-the-go, filled with authentic carne asada steak, real cheddar cheese, hand rolled and grilled to go, with the dip (guacamole, sour cream or salsa) of your choice. They will change your definition of a taquito as they are grilled, not fried, and include carne asada steak and cheese.”
Here’s to hoping that the Taco Bell Taquitos are a tasty addition to my typical Number three value meal with two extra original tacos order.
Nice write up and detective work Matt Drudge. Next you are going to find out what the hell was really in Capone’s vault. By the way, after all the drinks the other night, how in the bloody hell did you notice the Grilled Taquitos on the Empanada wrapper? I was so blasted that I wouldn’t have noticed 2 supermodels making out with a midget carrying sparklers running around them singing “Buttons” by the Pussycat Dolls. But anyhoo, it is good to see you back and blogging. I have been going through withdrawls.
Sincerely,
Corporate Vince
Jer, while I appreciate your write up and info gathering work, you are still so misinformed regarding the taquito. Unless you like an overly fried, hard as a rock, piece of tortilla with a small smudge of fake beef mixture that makes your entire house smell like a men’s locker room a day after a rainy football game, how can you still promote that shitty brand of taquito’s from smart and final - at least the taquito from taco bell has a chance since they are grilled and they contain real meat and cheese…but you and your gringo taste buds probably won’t like the real Mexican flavor produced by a true native restaurant like Taco Bell - instead you will probably write some dumb blog about how mass produced and artificial “Mexican-American” taquito’s from compton are the real deal…
Dear Jonathon,You certainly have the right to your own opinion, and as such, I respectfully request that you acknowledge mine as well. I happen to genuinely like Fernando\’s Taquitos, and for that I should not be subject to ridicule on my own blog just because you hold a differing viewpoint. I was not making any comparisons between Fernando\’s and Taco Bell Taquitos. And while I like Fernando\’s, as you\’re well aware, I also love Taquitos from Bobby Salazar\’s, Chevy\’s, Don Pablo\’s and just about any other Mexican-themed restaurant anywhere, regardless of whether or not the owners are in fact of Mexican descent. I was merely stating thatYou\’re fat.
Well done Jeremy! Don’t let that hate monger Short bring you down.
Vinnie - I would hope that you would notice “2 supermodels making out with a midget carrying sparklers running around them singing “Buttons†by the Pussycat Dolls” because sparklers indoors is a huge safety hazard. And, instead of running around the Supermodels, I would hope that Short would have tried to join in.
Short - I think you were overly harsh with Jeremy. The clogged arteries and explosive diahrea should be punishment enough for eating rolled up mini-tacos.
Jeremy - Can you do a national search for most money spent at Taco Bell by drunk people in a cab? I think Dewall could be in contention for an award or something.
All - When was the last time any of us have spent $60 for something that is so easily accessed, smells good, tastes good, but somehow never leaves you really satisfied because you always want more? I’m not sure, but Dewey may know from the last time he went to see Mother Russia at City Lights…
WOW Geil. Nice blast on Dewey, and calling Short a midget was pretty good too.
Now listen - if you are comparing me, vinnie, jer and yourself - fine…call me the midget…but when you include dewey in the same post, that is rediculous. i am a good 1/2 inch taller than him and mini me…bitch!
I finally saw these alleged taquitos today. Though I did not try them, they look pretty horrendous. I thought a taquito had some shredded beef inside a HARD taco shell. Taco Bell thinks they can roll this shit out and call em taquitos? F That! I will call them Fakeitos.
vinnie, that kind of language towards tb is grounds for permanent ban from jeremyoswald.com.
Did Taco Bell have them on the heated roller machine like at 7-11? Although Short would rather have the Bomb Burrito, Nachos with the 7-11 Chili on it, and an Egg Salad Sandwich, he’d probably go for the Fakitos if there were on greased up rollers. To clarify, Short would go back in to get another Nachos after he spilled the first one all over his friend’s jeans.
Dan,
Is lowercasing tb growns from ban as well? What kind of respect are you showing?
If you ban me than you know what…………….the terrorists win! Think about that.
I just had the Fakitos last night. Marginal at best.
Blasphemy!
Jeremy, I highly recommend El Monterey Taquitos; Corn, not flour tortillas. By the way, El Monterey does have an office in Dinuba, Ca. which currently happens to be looking for a Vice President of Research & Development.There are several requirements, including a BS in Food Science, that I am not sure that you possess, however that would likely be looked over for your taquito tasting skills and your demonstrated track record of new product launch successes.
I went to Taco Bell for the first time since your post and saw the posters for the Fakitos. They look disgusting. I didn’t have the stomach to order them, so I can’t comment on the taste, but the Marketing is all wrong. Shouldn’t you show a picture of food that makes it look appealing? They actually looked worse than the Take-Home Monterey Jack and Chicken filled 7-Eleven Go-Go Taquitosâ„¢ snacks
[…] My Rotted Brain comrade at jeremyoswald.com recent blogged about the discovery of the new steak taquitos from Taco Bell. In typical new product review fashion, I have purchased my very own set of grilled steak taquitos today and here are the “unboxing” photos exclusively at DanLin.net. […]
Oh hell yes…. this is what I needed today. I fucking love your page, it makes me laugh every time I come here.